Drunken Wisdom

Intoxicating Gibberish From the Guy at the End of the Bar

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April 10th, 2010 · 11 Comments

Just got back from my grocery store. Still laughing to myself…

I usually hit the grocer early Saturday or Sunday morning, before many others can get out there and piss me off. I’ve been doing this, hitting the same store, for over 2 1/2 years, now. It’s ingrained, and I usually am not thinking about groceries, but other concerns when I’m shopping. As I did today.

I only made it down a couple of aisles, and I began to feel very disoriented, almost dizzy. Nothing seemed to be where it should be, even though I had no problems finding my regular supplies. By the time I made it down the third aisle, I was very confused. The aisle started out right, but at the end, where there should have been the assorted Helper meals, there was apple sauce. WTF??? That’s where I ran into one of the employees…

Turns out that they were in the middle of reorganizing all of the aisles.

I hadn’t been that disoriented since Corporal Langle smashed me upside the grape with a pugil stick, breaking my helmet and sending me into next week.

Change IS good, but not in your grocer’s aisles…

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11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Alexander // Apr 10, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Que tje Twilight Zone music, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do

  • 2 Lance in Alaska // Apr 11, 2010 at 7:30 am

    funny you should mention the pugil stick business. I still remember from 1967 that Andrew Corsiglia knocked the snot out of my head with the pugil sticks. I wasn’t amused.

  • 3 Bou // Apr 11, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    I was at work and got onto a simulation system I have to work with. Nothing seemed familiar. I was confused, didn’t know what buttons to push, I was so lost… and I asked a buddy of mine if they had upgraded the system. He said they hadn’t upgraded it in 5 years. Now I was scared. I figured I had alzheimers and didn’t know how in the hell I was going to hide it. This guy, Ed, was an expert and I decided to hang low and just ask for a refresher, playing it off as a ‘bad mom day’, when Ed walked in and said, “Dang, they upgraded that system and I can’t find anything!”

    I have never been so relieved. And they never told any of us it was happening.

    Don’t mess with my grocery aisles and don’t screw around with my computer software. I can’t cope.

  • 4 Teresa // Apr 11, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    They recently did the same thing at a grocery store I’ve been shopping at for 4 years… freaked me out! It happened when I went out of town for a week – so I missed my usual weekly shopping there. When I went back in after a 2 week absence nothing was the same.

    I asked a store clerk who told me – “oh yeah, we rearranged everything” – like it was all okay. I wanted to find who decided it would be a good idea and smack them! Several months later, I’m still having issues finding things. ARG!

  • 5 T1G // Apr 12, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Yeah, T… I overheard a manager asking some dude what he thought. That’s when I started getting a clue. Heh… I actually stopped at the end of one of the aisles and did the “I look like I’m checking my cart but I’m really counting aisles” thing. I’m thinking that I didn’t look nearly as smooth as I thought I was…

    Bou, they got us at work, too… consolidated three different machines into one program. We were all lost for about a week… could never find the file folders that we were looking for. They did it to save time, but that first couple of weeks couldn’t have worked out for them!

  • 6 Elisson // Apr 12, 2010 at 9:00 am

    Change is also good when you find it under the sofa cushions.

  • 7 T1G // Apr 13, 2010 at 2:56 am

    That is change that I can believe in… even if it only buys me a gumball.

  • 8 Eric // Apr 13, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    ….. my grocer never changes the aisles….. only the sign above the door saying who owns it…..

  • 9 Harvey // Apr 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    Note to self: when shopping, bring pugil stick… just in case.

  • 10 zonker // Apr 18, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Poor guy. I can see it now…you frantically searching the aisles for that bottle of water you so desperately need….searching…always searching…in vain. Boo-frackin’-hoo. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t she?

  • 11 Richmond // Apr 21, 2010 at 5:40 am

    My groc. store remodeled 2 years ago and I *still* can’t find a damn thing…

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